just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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