If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
