That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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