pedialite and red bull = repair kit
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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