I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
