walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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