I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize