Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
