Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
