just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
