So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
