I am puke
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
