Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
