I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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