I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
