How'd it feel making her break her religion?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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