Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
