mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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