what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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