their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
