that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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