Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
