Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
