I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
