my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
