I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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