After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
