I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
