whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
