I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
