In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
