I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
