Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
