Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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