K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
