Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
