I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
