Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
