chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
