I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
