I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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