but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
