would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i came on her dog
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize