just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize