I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
