she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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