what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize