sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
