Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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