hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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