Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
