i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
