Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sarcasm needs its own font
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
