I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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