I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize