Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
