YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
