if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
