in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So many bounce houses so little time
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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