weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
