Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize