Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
