someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
