Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
