I think I died a long time ago.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
