I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
