My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
