Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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