I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
