she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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