i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
