Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
